I am not my hair.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TBrQHVMoWM

Tomorrow I have an appointment with a general surgeon. There are these little cysts on my head that I need to have removed. To be honest, they aren’t really that little. My family lovingly refers to them as my horns.
The doc says that I shouldn’t worry. They aren’t any danger to me but they won’t go away without surgery and they will continue to get bigger. I have put this off for years. Then the other day I saw this woman at the store who had one that actually sat on top of her hair and it was the size of my fist. Ironically, the next day I had just finished drying my hair when I noticed that one of my “horns” had grown and I could see it! Until then I could only feel them, not see them!
The saddest part is that I am more worried about how much hair they are going to shave than anything else. You would think I would be worried about the pain, the recovery or if it could be something more serious. How vain am I?
It’s just that I have been through a lot of physical changes over the years. I gained and lost a lot of weight. My skin went crazy after taking lots of steroids for an illness. My eyesight is not great and I have glasses that I am supposed to wear, but they bug me. Now, my hearing is going! I’m only 32 people! Anyway, my hair has sort of become a crutch. It makes me feel better. It’s healthy and long and it hides my face. J It’s my security blanket. I know that sounds really strange but whatever- there it is.
I am so scared about how much they will have to cut and how bad it is going to show. I know it could be a lot worse. I know how fortunate I am that this isn’t something more serious. I know it will grow back. But for some reason, I can’t be logical when it comes to my hair.
Maybe I’m supposed to learn something from this. Just maybe I’m supposed to realize that beauty comes from within. That even if you have no hair, are overweight, have really bad acne, wear glasses, etc. you can still be beautiful. I feel like I know those things about other people but I guess I have a hard time believing it about myself.
Or maybe I’m supposed to learn that I need to draw strength from God and not silly things like my hair. That God should be my comfort, my security blanket. That He will love me no matter what I look like and as long as I have Him nothing else matters. Yeah, I feel like I know those things too.
I could also just be over thinking it. Either way, I really don’t want to lose my hair. :(

(I am going to attempt to add a video to this post. I'm not completely computer savvy though so we'll see how it goes. It's the video for "I am not my hair".)